


blessings

by seasparks



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Dissociation, F/F, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route Spoilers, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Spoilers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Medical Abuse, Medical Trauma, Past Abuse, Supportive Partners, bernadetta is trans, bernie's awful dad is still the worst, if that's what you want then that's who you are, supportive friends, sylvain is also trans and we plan to write that bit later, unconventional trans narratives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:09:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21610681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasparks/pseuds/seasparks
Summary: Byleth wields great power, thanks to Sothis, and what better way to use such power than helping the people around them?
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg & Bernadetta von Varley, Edelgard von Hresvelg & My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Bernadetta von Varley, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Kudos: 51





	blessings

Byleth sat alone in their room, trying to process the last few months of their life. Or was it the last five years of their life? They absentmindedly twirled a strand of neon green hair in their fingers while they tried to puzzle things out. For everyone else, certainly, five years had elapsed, but for them it still felt like just a few months ago when their father had been murdered; when their best friend had been forced to give up her life to save Byleth's (something they considered no different from murder, though they had exacted their revenge on the responsible party immediately after); since they had betrayed the family that brought in them and their father, to protect Edelgard and the family they had found in the Black Eagles.

A knock on the door startled Byleth out of their reverie. They shook their head in an attempt to clear their thoughts and opened the door, revealing Sylvain and Ingrid standing outside their room. Byleth tilted their head, as if to ask what the childhood friends wanted.

"Hey, Professor," said Sylvain. Something in his voice sounded unsure; it was odd seeing him without his usual swagger. "Mind if we come in?" Byleth nodded, and their visitors followed them into the small dorm room. Sylvain and Ingrid sat down on the bed (a few modest inches apart from one another, Byleth noted with relief), and Byleth sat facing them in their desk chair. "Do you mind closing the door? I've got a...private matter to discuss," Sylvain asked, still hesitating.

"He doesn't mean sex," Ingrid chimed in as she got up to close the door. Byleth nodded gratefully at her; understanding people was never one of their strengths. For most people, they formed a simple mental model of their wants and needs, and hoped it was good enough. Sylvain's model had only two states: "chasing women" and "running away from women."

Sylvain rolled his eyes. "Way to go, Ingrid!" he said, mock-exasperated. "I was gonna proposition them to break the ice, but you just _had_ to ruin—ow, hey!" Ingrid jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow and shot him a death glare.

"Stop complaining," said Ingrid. "If you had actually done that, I would have used my knife, not my elbow." Sylvain shifted a little further away from her on the bed. "I'm sorry he's like this, Professor, but he really does have an important matter to discuss. _If_ he can take himself seriously long enough to discuss it."

Sylvain sighed. "Fine, fine. I, uh, meant to ask you this five years ago, Professor, but then, well...you know." A moment's silence passed while Sylvain collected his thoughts. Byleth waited patiently, fixing Sylvain with their usual blank stare. "You remember my brother Miklan, right? Big guy, looks like me but ugly and scarred, nasty attitude? Yeah, of course you do. I think I told you he was neglected by our parents and jealous of my crest, so he took it out on me, but I'm not sure I ever went into more detail."

Byleth shook their head, unsure. "I don't remember," they said. "Maybe?"

"Wish I could say the same," said Sylvain, a faraway look on his face. "Anyway, it was typical big brother stuff. Leaving me to die on a mountain of exposure, trapping me down a well, stealing my food, beating me up, telling me I was worthless and that even with my crest our parents would regret choosing me over him. That sort of thing."

Ingrid elbowed Sylvain in the ribs again, more gently this time. "Sylvain...Felix and I have been over this before. That's not normal. The way Miklan treated you was reprehensible. You know that, right?" Her voice was softer than before, and Byleth thought she probably looked sad.

"Yeah," Sylvain mumbled. "I...I know. I'm still not sure I believe it, but I know it. But that's why I'm here."

"I don't understand," said Byleth, their blank stare replaced by confusion. "I don't think I can make you believe that. I can't even make Edelgard believe in the goddess, and I _am_ the goddess. I think. I was the goddess's friend, at least."

"Oh, no, that's not what I meant, sorry!" Sylvain gathered his thoughts. "Sometimes I feel okay, but whenever I remember my crest I just...ugh." He shuddered in disgust. "I don't want it, Professor. Even if I'm doing great, as soon as I'm reminded of it I feel like I'm a stranger in this shitty body with this shitty blood that I never asked for." He held his hands out in front of himself; they were noticeably shaking. "Like, look at these hands! They're not mine! I don't know whose they are but they're _not mine!_ I don't..." His voice trailed off as he stared at the hands in front of him with wide, frightened eyes and began to hyperventilate.

Ingrid scooted back toward Sylvain and wrapped him in a hug, stroking his hair with one hand. "Shh, Syl, it's okay," she whispered to her childhood friend. "I'm here, the Professor's here, and we want to help you. I want you to count how many times I stroke your hair, okay? Can you do that?" Sylvain nodded and started mouthing numbers, tears streaming down his face.

"The first time his crest came up on a date with someone, he completely freaked out," Ingrid explained to Byleth. "He jumped out of the carriage the two of them were in and ran all the way back to the castle, straight to Dimitri's room. The poor girl didn't know why he ran off like that, and between her and the people who saw him running back, rumors started to spread that he was a shallow, good-for-nothing skirt-chaser. He asked for help from Dimitri, Felix, and me, and we decided to help the rumors spread. As far as I know, the worst thing he's done to anyone is ditch them on a date; everything else is word of mouth that comes from one of us. He's one of my dearest friends, and he deserves better than this, Professor. Please help him if you can."

By the time Ingrid was finished talking, Sylvain's breathing had returned to normal, and he had stopped shaking. "Professor," he said, his voice barely a whisper, "can you get rid of the crest?"

Byleth stood up and walked over to Sylvain. "I don't know," they said, "but I can try." They took his hands in theirs and reached for Sothis' power the same way they normally reached for the Divine Pulse. This was the first time Byleth had tried to tap into any other aspect of the goddess' power, and to their surprise it flowed into them as easily as when they turned back time. They closed their eyes and thought about Sylvain's blood and the crest that dwelled within it. The crest appeared in their mind as a circle of runes, shining as bright as the sun and pulsing in time with Sylvain's heartbeat. Byleth focused on the idea of filtering it out of his blood, and with each pulse, the glow dimmed. After a few minutes of concentration, it had faded out entirely; Byleth gave it another minute just to be safe, then released Sylvain's hands. "It is done," they announced, then added: "I hope."

Sylvain held out his arm once again, his palm facing upward in a gesture that would have normally resulted in the Crest of Gautier glowing in the air in front of him. Instead, the space above his palm stubbornly remained dull. His eyes widened, this time in awe rather than terror. "You did it! By the goddess, you really did it, Professor!" He jumped up and gave Byleth a quick hug. "Thank you! Thank you so much! I owe you...I don't even know what. My whole life. Thank you, Professor!" Before he could thank Byleth again, he threw the door open and started to jog toward the dining hall, whooping with joy.

Ingrid looked almost as happy as Sylvain did. "You have my thanks as well, Professor," she said, beaming. "It's been horrible seeing him suffer like that all these years. Now, I had better make sure he doesn't run himself into the ground."

Alone again, Byleth smiled faintly. Using Sothis' powers like this felt good, and let them feel almost as close to her as when they could still speak to each other. It didn't replace the emptiness they felt when they thought of her, but it was something.

* * *

The following morning, Byleth was woken up by another knock on their door. They rolled over in bed, still tired, and ignored it in the hope that their guest would give up. Eventually, the knocking stopped, but before Byleth could breathe a sigh of relief, a familiar voice called out to them.

"Byleth, are you there?" asked Edelgard. "It is almost noon, and there is a matter of some importance that I would like to discuss with you."

So much for sleeping in. Byleth rolled out of bed, threw on the first pieces of loungewear they found strewn about their room, and opened the door. "Hey, Edelgard," they mumbled blearily. "Come in." Edelgard followed them into the room and, after a quick glance to take stock of the options available to her, sat down in Byleth's desk chair. "Do you want the door closed?" Byleth asked. At a nod from Edelgard, they shut the door and sat down on the edge of their bed.

"I hear you had a visit from Sylvain yesterday," said Edelgard. Byleth nodded, grateful for her directness. "Did you really...remove his crest?" Edelgard hesitated a little this time, as if she was bracing herself for disappointment.

"I think so," Byleth said. "I've never done anything like it before, so it's hard to tell. Especially without...without Sothis, to help guide me through it." Edelgard leaned forward slightly when Byleth's voice failed them for a moment, but quickly settled back down. Byleth had noticed her doing that occasionally since their return to the monastery, but didn't know what for.

Edelgard composed herself, her face the same mask she presented when facing the world as Emperor Edelgard von Hresvelg. "I see," she said calmly. "Did you give any thought to the effect this would have on the war effort? The Lance of Ruin was a powerful asset that we can no longer put to use."

"No," Byleth admitted. "Not until just now." They paused to consider the strategic implications. "I don't think it matters, though. We can still lead the army to victory."

"I see," said Edelgard. A long silence passed between the two of them. When Edelgard next spoke, she did so not as the emperor, but as the woman who bared her soul to Byleth on the terrace one sleepless night, long ago. "With every day that passes, I grow more grateful that you chose me," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I can count on one hand the number of nobles in Fódlan who, if given the power, would have shown Sylvain the respect you showed him yesterday. To everyone else, we are just tools of war, to be used and cast aside at their leisure. But to you...you see only the humanity in everyone, don't you? You helped me see it in myself, too, in the holy tomb all those years ago, and I daresay you have done the same for Sylvain now. Thank you, my teacher.

"There is one more thing I would ask of you," Edelgard continued, sounding unsure of herself. "It's childish, I know, but...may I ask you for a hug?" Byleth opened their mouth to respond, but Edelgard cut them off before they had a chance. "No. I am sorry; please forget I said anything. It was a foolish—"

"Yes," Byleth said before Edelgard could flee. "Yes, you may have a hug. I don't know why you would call that foolish, but it's not." They moved to sit on their bed next to Edelgard and wrapped her in a tight embrace. They could feel the tension drain from Edelgard at their touch. "See?" Byleth murmured. "Sometimes it's worth asking for what you want."

"I-I know that, Professor! Please forgive me; you have done nothing but prove your trustworthiness to me over and over again since we met, and yet I still have trouble believing you are as kind as you seem, and asking you for...this..." Edelgard trailed off, too ashamed of herself to continue.

"Edelgard," said Byleth firmly. They withdrew from the hug and looked Edelgard in the eyes. They usually avoided eye contact, but this seemed like the right moment for it. "It's a hug. You can always ask me for a hug, okay?" Edelgard nodded. "Good."

Edelgard stood up and composed herself. "Thank you once again, Professor," she said, her confidence—or at least the appearance of it—returned. "Now if you'll excuse me, I must go; this conversation has given me an idea that I wish to put into action immediately."

After Edelgard left, a smile crept up on Byleth's face. For the rest of the morning, while they cleaned up and got dressed, they thought about how happy they must have made Sylvain, and how that happiness had made its way to Edelgard and others.

* * *

Several weeks later, Edelgard returned, this time with someone attempting—and utterly failing—to hide behind her.

"Hi Edelgard. Hi Bernadetta," said Byleth. "Come in."

"Aaah! I-I mean, hi, Professor!" squeaked Bernadetta. "Wait, no, Byleth! You're just Byleth now, right? Or is that rude? Ohhh, I'm just no good at this, I'm just going to—" Bernadetta turned to leave, but Edelgard put a hand on her shoulder and held her in place.

"Please, Bernadetta," said Edelgard reassuringly. "You know they're not upset with you. I understand how stressful this is for you, but you have nothing to worry about, I promise. I trust Byleth. You of all people should know how much that means."

Bernadetta sighed and turned back around. She was still hunched behind Edelgard, refusing to believe that one of the tallest women on the Black Eagle Strike Force probably can't hide behind the shortest. "Y-yeah, you're right. Thanks, El." She stayed in hiding for a while to collect her thoughts. After a few minutes, when it looked like she had finally figured out what she wanted to ask, she inched out slightly from behind Edelgard.

Before her anxiety could strike again, Bernadetta took a deep breath and blurted, "I-I'm not like other girls!! I need you, Professor!!"

With the iron will of the Flame Emperor and the self-control from almost two decades of suppressing her emotions, Edelgard managed to avoid burying her face in her hand and groaning at her girlfriend's botched request. Byleth looked at Bernadetta, confused, and asked, "What do you mean? Lots of people need me, Bernadetta. Including Edelgard here. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

In that moment, Edelgard wished she had another, even shorter friend to hide behind. Bernadetta certainly had no problem returning back to her hiding place behind Edelgard, aware that she hadn't quite managed to say what she wanted to say. "Professor, please, it's like I said before," pleaded Edelgard, "I am perfectly capable of running the empire on my own." _Although I do hope never to have to go without you at my side again,_ she added in her head. "I think Bernadetta let her nerves get to her and...if not misspoke, then condensed some things in such a way that her meaning did not come across as intended. Come in with me, Bernadetta. We can have a seat, and you can take your time talking to Byleth. It will be fine. And," she added hastily, "I still love you, and I don't hate you. I could never hate you."

Byleth's guests made their way fully into the room and sat down on a small couch Byleth had acquired for the numerous visitors they had been receiving. They were seated close to one another, Edelgard's arm wrapped around Bernadetta, who was finally calm enough to speak without hyperventilating again. "So," asked Byleth, "how can I help you?"

Bernadetta took a deep breath. "I've already told you about my, um. My childhood, and my father. R-right?" Byleth nodded. Bernadetta continued, looking not at Byleth but down into her lap while she fidgeted with a small wooden toy in her lap. "Okay, phew. But I um, I mean, I might have, left out, a few details, here and there, like, um...well, you see, I, um. I wasn't always a girl. Or maybe I was, but I didn't realize it at first? And my...um, _he_ definitely didn't realize it at first." Byleth winced in sympathy, and Bernadetta waved her hands in front of her face. "N-no, it's not like that at all! I mean, I was afraid when I came out to him—classic Bernie!—but he actually took it really well. It was...almost worse that way, I think."

Edelgard gave Bernadetta's shoulder a squeeze as she trailed off. "You're doing great, hon," she said softly, then turned to Byleth. "My teacher, may I make some tea? I made sure to bring some honeyed-fruit blend with me; it's Bernadetta's favorite." She stood up without waiting for a reply and began busying herself with the tea. "I know it must be a surprise to see me so close to someone else, Byleth. I must confess, it came as a surprise to me, too, but as soon as we got past the initial awkwardness, we found that we had much in common." Edelgard smiled, and her eyes softened as she brought Byleth their tea. "It's funny. Talking to both of you comes so easily to me, but in such different ways. Given your current...proximity...to the goddess, I suppose it's not unwarranted for me to say that I feel blessed to have the two of you in my life." She handed Bernadetta her tea and kissed on the forehead. "Here's yours, dear."

Bernadetta tilted her face up to give Edelgard a quick kiss on the lips. "Thanks, El," she muttered with a smile. "You're the best."

"Me?" said Edelgard with mock innocence. "I'm not the one facing my anxiety head-on and baring my heart to someone new for the first time. I just made the tea."

"W-well I'm not the one who convinced ol' Bernie-Bear to come out of her cave!" Bernadetta shot back, still grinning.

"As your former professor, I feel as though it is my role to end this conflict," Byleth said suddenly, drawing the lovers' attention. Their voice was severe, as if they were presiding over a war criminal's trial. "I'm afraid there is only one possible resolution."

"Eek! I'm sorry!" cried Bernadetta.

"Professor, we were only—" begin Edelgard.

"You are both the best," decreed Byleth. They sipped their tea as if pounding a gavel.

Bernadetta broke the ensuing silence with a raucous laugh. "Professor! I forgot you could be so funny! Thanks; I really needed that."

Byleth sipped their tea in a vain attempt to hide their smug smile.

"Anyway, like I was saying," continued Bernadetta, "he took things pretty well when I came to him. He...told me he always knew I was a useless son, and that maybe as a daughter I could at least land a passable husband. He was never a great person before, but..." She took a sip of tea, her hands barely able to keep the cup steady. "...but that was when things got really bad. The, um..."

Edelgard put her hand on Bernadetta's to steady her shaking. "It's okay to call it abuse. It's his fault, not yours, and you're allowed to name it." Byleth nodded in agreement.

"Yeah," Bernadetta said, her voice quiet but steady, "the abuse. That's when his abuse got worse. I told you the least bad stuff already, but he, um." Another sip of tea. "He called in some doctors from somewhere and told me they were going to make me a real woman, that they were going to make sure my future husband wouldn't hate me and House Varley." Another sip. "I was actually excited at the time! I thought...I don't know what I thought. I didn't understand what he meant until after. When I woke up and they had, um." Another. "Changed me. Changed things about me. Things I hadn't even thought about changing, or whether I wanted to or not." She looked up from her empty teacup at Byleth, then quickly looked back down. "I-I'm sorry, Professor! I know I'm so lucky to have had that opportunity, and that other people like me would kill for that chance! I know I'm being horrible and ungrateful! Please don't be mad at me!"

Byleth realized they had gripped the arm of their chair hard enough to crack the wood. They let go and started to massage their hand. "I am angry, but not at you," they said as gently as they could manage. "Never at you. At him. He never should have done that to you." They took a few deep breaths and slowly unclenched their fist—they had unconsciously clenched it again—then asked, "What can I do for you, Bernadetta? I'll do anything in my power to help you. You deserve the body you're most comfortable in, no matter what that means or what anyone else wants."

Bernadetta looked like she was about to cry. "Th-thank you, Professor. It really, um. It really means a lot to hear that from you. What I want is, um." Her cheeks flushed bright red. "Just...put me back the way I was before? If you can? Or at least as close to it as possible. I, um. I don't know if that's what I really want, but it's...at least it's my choice this time, you know?"

"And if you change things again, it will be your choice then, too," said Byleth, nodding.

"Yeah! You _do_ get it!" Bernadetta looked around. "So, um...do I need to do anything?"

Byleth shrugged. "Just make sure you're comfortable. I don't know how long this will take."

Bernadetta set down her tea, then wrapped her arms around Edelgard's waist and buried her face in her lover's shoulder. "How's this?" she asked, her voice muffled.

"Perfect. Is it okay if I put my hand on your back or shoulder? Physical contact is important for this to work."

"Yep!"

"Okay. I'm going to start now."

Byleth gently placed a hand on Bernadetta's shoulder and closed their eyes. They floated once again in the space they had once shared with Sothis, empty save for a gigantic throne, and prayed. They prayed to Sothis for guidance, for help, for some measure of joy to be added to this world to balance out the horrors they became more aware of with each passing day. They prayed for Bernadetta to get what she wanted—what she needed—and for her relationship with Edelgard to stay strong, and they prayed for their own bonds to the two women in their room to continue to grow and flourish.

Centuries passed.

Seconds passed.

Byleth removed their hand and stepped back. "It's done. Or it should be. I'm not going to check." They waited for a response, but Bernadetta had fallen asleep cuddling with Edelgard.

"She fell asleep soon after you started," explained Edelgard. "It's been a tough day for her."

"Should I wake her? I want to make sure she's okay."

Bernadetta stirred. "S'good," she mumbled groggily. "Thanks f'r takin' care of us, Prof...you make us both...happy...and now I'm...nappy...haha..." After she stumbled her way through her slurred thanks, she fell back asleep on Edelgard's shoulder.

"I suppose that answers that," said Edelgard.

"What did she mean about making both of you happy?" asked Byleth.

Edelgard blushed. "W-well, you see, my teacher, your presence is such a relief and comfort to have around, I'm sure everyone must feel it! That's probably all she—"

"I can tell when you're lying, you know," said Byleth, interrupting her. "I can't with almost anyone else, but with you, it's easy."

"I...I see," said Edelgard, her blush deepening. "Well. I used to think that my heart had no room in it for anyone, that it was scorched and blackened beyond recognition by the things that were done to me, and by...the things I must do. But Bernadetta showed me that that's just not true, and that not only do I have room for her, but I might have room in my heart for...someone else, as well." She looked down at her lap, unable to meet Byleth's gaze. "I asked her not to say anything about it, but I suppose I cannot be upset with her. I did nag her into this, after all. She's just returning the favor."

Byleth drew a breath to reply, but Edelgard started again before she got a chance. "Anyway, Byleth, that is a conversation for us to have when my girlfriend isn't asleep on my shoulder after what must have been an exhausting experience."

"That makes sense," said Byleth with a nod. "Do you want help carrying her?"

"Thank you, but I'll be fine," Edelgard replied. "This should fall to me, and I am only taking her as far as Dorothea's room. She will be anxious to hear how things went." She gently lifted Bernadetta into her arms, then paused. "Though, could you please get the door for me?"

"Of course," Byleth said, then moved and opened the door. "If I can do anything else for either of you, please let me know any time."

"We will. Thank you again, my teacher. For everything." Edelgard couldn't help but smile as she left Byleth's room, carrying Bernadetta into a slightly brighter world. 

**Author's Note:**

> THIS ONE REALLY GOT AWAY FROM US
> 
> we had planned to write a LOT more (feat. at least Linhardt and More Sylvain) but it was getting long enough that we figured we'd rather make this a chapter on its own and just make anything else we write a companion fic or an extra chapter or sth (though adding chapters to stuff is a HUGE PAIN sometimes jeez, and probably bad for those sweet, sweet views & kudos).
> 
> and THEN, even AFTER we had decided to narrow the fic's scope, Bernadetta went and had Complicated Feelings About Her Body that we didn't anticipate writing at all. we...honestly really love how it turned out, but we didn't see it coming at all. bernie's dad. what a piece of shit. if only someone had written a fic where Hubert gets revenge on him on behalf of Bernie.........
> 
> (we wrote that fic)
> 
> (please read it)


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